How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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