I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
