Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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