i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
