Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
