I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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