And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
