i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
