I hope mine doesn't look like that
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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