you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
