Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
