I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
