I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
