She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
