I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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