ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
