he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
not ubering you a puppy
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
