I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think a kid would responsible me up
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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