his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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