Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
