Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
