I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
