It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
