Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
