; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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