just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
