How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
