i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
you made out with another girl for some wings
You're breaking my sexual little heart
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
