Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
