So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
