Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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