Im at strip club and am horny
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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