He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
cat food counts as protein by the way
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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