Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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