Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
