i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
