It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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