what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
