I think im going to throw up on grandma
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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