I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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