I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
