Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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