i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
