Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
