Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
