NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
