I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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