i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
