im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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