Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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