It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
