Kiss
Puke
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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