just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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