I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
