my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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