So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
