You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
