Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize