dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She's the barista slut.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
