The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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