At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
