I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
